May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
