and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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