you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
