Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
