so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
