In the future we'll all be gay
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
