New invention idea: vibrating tampons
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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