i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
