Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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