I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
