I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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