we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
