this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
