genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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