Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
