He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
