Say something about gay babies.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
