After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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