Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
