Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
