I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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