I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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