It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
