Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
