I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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