I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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