i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
