It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
