Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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