even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
