Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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