it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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