i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize