we're chasing vodka with high fives
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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