don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
