We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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