New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
