I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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