u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
