Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
