i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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