I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
