I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
