DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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