His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
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he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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