Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize