I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
