So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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