I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
