No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
