I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
