we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
