Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i think i have two assholes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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