my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
