I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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