i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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