Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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