My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
