You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Please, let me fuck your mom
operation harelip BJ is a go
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
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Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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