I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
