apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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