..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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