He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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