apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
