My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
