So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
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Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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