Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
