i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
