Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.

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(917): View more from New York City

I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.

Fav 15 1407 4800
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(678): View more from Georgia

he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.

Fav 33 1166 3881
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich

Fav 23 4275 1586
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(678): View more from Georgia

Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.

Fav 26 7547 1164
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(760): View more from California

double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors

Fav 10 3958 1078
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(805): View more from California

He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.

Fav 13 1738 5543
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(512): View more from Texas

Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash

Fav 4 253 401
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(224): View more from Illinois

I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.

Fav 0 14 39
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