I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
