i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
