you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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