if i died would you start the facebook group?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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