I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
