dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
