my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize