And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
