The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
