I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
