After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
