I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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