In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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